Tobias the giver

Today, Tobias had a playdate with his buddy, "H". He was SO excited about it. I thought he was excited to get to go to H's house. Then, I told him that H's mom would be picking him up in 30 minutes. He said he was hoping H would be coming to our house. When I asked him why, he said, "Because right now, we have all of the good snacks, and I was looking forward to offering them to H. By the time he comes next week, they might be all gone!"

Really, whenever ANY guest comes over here, Tobias tries to find the best snack option we have available and offers it to them. It makes him so happy.

Yesterday, Tobias and I met with a friend of mine and her one year old son at Lakeline Mall. We were hoping that her son to be able to ride on some of the kiddie rides there, but we didn't have any quarters. Tobias came over and asked me for a pencil. I had no idea why he wanted a pencil, but I was talking to my friend and was kind of unaware of what he was doing. He went over to one of the Kiosks nearby, looked under it, and found a bunch of quarters which he pulled out with the pencil. He brought them over and gave them to my mom friend so that her son could ride on a ride.

Tobias has his struggles, but one thing about him that has been consistently true for a long time is that he loves to give and to help. He is also very quick to forgive.

I want to follow

Browsing the book tables at Costco, I heard a lady say, "Ewww....that book is sooo weird." She held up the book, and I glanced to look at it. Oh yeah, that book.

In talking about some struggles my friend was having, my other friend said, "Tell her to read this book. It will help her."

"I have heard that book should be read with great caution," one of my relatives said.

"One of my patients said that this book brought her back to church after years of not going and made her trust God again," my sister told me.

"The Shack", by William P. Young

Some people might love it, and others might hate it, but one thing is for certain: It has captured the attention of hundreds of thousands of people.

****Urghhh******....Blogger failed to save a whole paragraph I wrote about what I liked and disliked about the book, and I have no desire to rewrite it again. So, I'm going to pretend that didn't happen and write about a conversation I had about the book with a friend of mine.

I told my friend that I thought the book contained an interesting exploration of the importance God places on man's free will because of His love for man. I said that this made sense to me. However, I didn't really like that Young was trying to explain how God could let a murderer kill Missy because of His commitment to allowing man to have free will. I said that I understood that God was hemming Missy in all around her with His love as she was being murdered and that she was now in a better place. I understand that God desires all sinners to embrace His forgiveness and turn to Him, including the murderer. Still, somehow, the way Young wrote this made it seem to me that God is less than sovereign. That He is sitting on His hands waiting and allowing, and trying to weave beauty out of the mess man makes.

My friend said, "Yeah, it's kind of like, why do we pray if man's free will rules the day anyways? I think that God intervenes directly and can supersede man's free will in some cases."

Me too.

I said, "Yeah, I don't think we are meant to fully understand how God works and when/how He chooses to get involved. All I know is that I have felt God's love in my life. I have seen Him work in my life and in lives of others, and I want to follow Him, with or without all of the answers to all of my questions."

She said, "And really, if you look at everything that Christ asked us to do, and if everyone did what He said, this would be a beautiful world! So, I want to follow, too."

After all of Young's postulating, interpreting, and creating, doesn't it all really just come down to that?

Either you will follow Him or not.

I do have major problems with the book, but I believe that God IS sovereign and can even use heretical/misguided books for His glory.

Predatory and competitive

"Moral dilemmas are the same now as they were in the beginning of time. People are predatory and competitive," he says matter-of-factly. "The issues today may be global warming and Darfur, but it's the same thing. We still don't like each other. I always felt if the bigots got their way and they eliminated all the blacks and all the Jews, then they would turn on the next group of people and the next group. Finally, when there were just two people left on earth, the right-hander would turn on the left-hander."

~Woody Allen

I know. Woody Allen is the guy who married his daughter, in a sense, but I agree with this quote, and this quote sums up why I don't think the government or politics will ever solve the world's problems. Only through a work of God will there ever be world peace. However, God has given us free will and more often than not we choose darkness over light. From the world all the way down to churches, down to families, down to individual friendships, we struggle with jealousy, arrogance, and selfishness which keeps us from having peace with one another.

While on an errand yesterday, I passed a marque that said, "We love you, Michael." I started feeling the sadness again that while he was alive, most of his so-called friends who are clamoring to pay their respects to MJ now, after his death, did not defend him when it really counted. Also, back in 2003, Martin Bashir put together an extremely unflattering documentary on MJ. It completely made MJ look like a perverted child molester. It was terribly damaging to MJ's reputation. But now, after MJ's death, Martin Bashir had this to say,

"Certainly when I made the documentary, there was a small part of that which contained a controversy concerning his relationship with other young people. But the truth is that he was never convicted of any crime, I never saw any wrongdoing myself. And last his lifestyle may have been unorthodox, I don't believe it was criminal. And I think the world has now lost the greatest entertainer it's probably ever known."

Well, unfortunately, it's a little late now! Where were all of the people who are now talking about what a great father he was? Where were all of the people who were talking about how they don't believe he was a child molester and how pure and giving MJ was? Where were all of the people who defended that he honestly did have a skin condition? We only heard one side of the story: that he was a perverted freak. I know. MJ didn't help himself by volunteering some of the information that he did, by dangling his baby out from the balcony, by wearing pajamas to court, but give the guy a break, he'd been in the spotlight, manipulated and used since he was 5 years old. Most child stars self-destruct by the time they are in their 20s.

As I was driving along looking at the oppressive heat rising from cars and streets, looking at the dryness of the grass, feeling the strain of traffic, I thought, "What a dry, harsh world we live in. What an ugly people we are." It's not surprising, I guess, that people wouldn't defend MJ while he was living. They had their own reps to protect, and they weren't 100% sure, so they figured it was better not to put themselves on the line. Plus, no one else was defending him except his family...well, some of his family. But, it is a shame. Yes, we are a predatory and competitive people, and we already saw that 2000 years ago with our Lord. Like Woody Allen said, we already saw that from the beginning of time.

I began to despair. Then, my spirit said, "But you are a Christian. You must not focus on that. Christ is risen! It helps no one and certainly not yourself to focus on death and destruction. You need to remember and see the miracle of love and life." I realized I should think of the way people respond to the goodness God has put within them, instead.

Sacrificial love which is exceedingly beautiful.

Pure love which is so poignant.

I believe there are probably several reasons why people, even the most hardened and cynical, responded so profoundly to Paris Jackson's words at the end of her father's memorial. Surely one reason is because her words came from a pure heart and a pure love which everyone desperately wants and admires. It's the love we were created to have.

Please, God, let us fan the flames of that kind of love.

Do I really need 5 stalls?

I really do have to battle with my desire to be independent from God...even though I know that is not at all possible, and I want to be independent from others. In fact, Katherine calls Kelly Clarkson's song "Miss Independent", my song. As I get older, I am more aware of what a waste of time it is and how much I lose by trying to maintain independence. However, one thing I noticed about myself more acutely while we were on our cruise is how much I try to avoid interaction with people, especially strangers. One day, the hostess in the dining room seated us at a table for four. A few minutes later she seated another couple at the same table!! I just about died. I was so annoyed because I didn't expect to sit with another couple. I could tell that they were a nice couple, but I still felt like they were a rude interruption to a nice breakfast Stuart and I were having and refused to try to talk to them. The wife said a few witty remarks and I did smile at her, but that was it. The whole incident really bothered me. What kind of person am I? Why didn't I just introduce myself? I noticed later how relieved and happy I was when I went to one of the restrooms that I had it all to myself. I asked myself why I see other people as such a threat that I don't even want to share a bathroom with 5 stalls with them. It's not that I need 5 stalls and 5 sinks! I thought, "No, but I don't want to have to interact with some strange person."  I wish I had the attitude found in this quote:

"I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stumped by this for many years. And then I realized, you just have to say, "Hi." They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word."

-Augusten Burroughs


Stuart says that I am a wounded extrovert. I still carry around the baggage of being betrayed and teased in my past. Once I get over my fear, I love to talk to people and be around them...but otherwise, I fear new people for a long time, watching them and trying to figure out if I can trust them not to hurt me. But 1 John says, "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear: because fear has torment. He that fears is not made perfect in love." Plus, people are made in God's image, and He loves them. As His daughter, I should do the same. I should not see others as threats.

But it's so hard to change.

I'm glad God brought this to my attention because it gives me a desire to change. I believe that I should still be cautious around strangers, but I'd like to stop looking at almost all people except my friends and family as a bother or a threat. I'd like to be more open.

It will take prayer and practice.