Hold You!

Well, it's the first day of Lent.  Clean Monday.  I've decided to unplug from Facebook and TV shows.  This is not going to be easy, but I'm prayerful that it will help me to reset my mind and my heart.  Yesterday, at Stuart's parent's church, we sang a praise song which asked God to "hold me".  As we sang, I remembered how my children used to plead for me to hold them when they were toddlers.  They would stand next to me and hold their hands up to me and cry, "Hold you!  Please, Mommy.  Hold you!"

Stuart and I always thought it was amusing how they said "hold you" instead of "hold me".  We figured they heard us say, "Do you want me to hold you?" or "I can't hold you right now", so they just thought that was what it holding them was called.

Since I'm not really a touchy-feely person, I thought it was interesting how desperately they wanted to be held and how often they wanted to be held.  I did my best at acquiescing these requests as much as possible.  I knew it was important for their development, and basically, I couldn't resist holding them for too long when that's what they seemed to want more than anything.  :)

While we sang that praise song to God, asking Him to hold us, I thought about what a yearning we all have to be held.  I might not always want to be held physically, but I thought about how secure I would feel if I thought of him holding me spiritually and emotionally.  My anxieties would be far fewer if I thought about him protecting me as He holds me in His hands.

Unfortunately, I hardly ever think about this.  I hardly ever ask God to hold me even though I need it.  I'm prideful, and I push myself to find other ways to deal with my anxieties.  I try to stay busy, and I look to entertainment or food to distract me and satisfy me...to hold me.

During this Lenten period, I would like to work on at least asking God to hold me.  God is love, completely, and fully.  He is not fickle like me.  He doesn't need His space like I sometimes do.  He isn't limited by only having so much time and attention to give like I do. Yet, most of the time, when my children asked me to hold them, I would find a way to do just that.  So, I believe God will hold me when I ask, and really, what could be better on this earth than being held by the creator of the universe?

For I am the Lord your God
    who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
    I will help you.¹⁴ 
Isaiah 41:13

Natural Motivation, are you there?

I'm not a very motivated person when it comes to housecleaning.
I'm not a very motivated person when it comes to losing weight.
I'm not a very motivated person when it comes to making money or saving money.

Ha!  I would probably prioritize those items in that order:  housecleaning, losing weight, making/saving money. :)

My husband asks, "Doesn't it feel good to accomplish something?"
No.

"Don't you feel a feeling of satisfaction when the house is clean?"
Kinda?

"Aren't you happier when you feel that sense of completion when finishing/achieving something?"
Not really.  I feel happier after spending quality time with friends or after eating a tasty chile relleno.  ;)

My daughter says, "If I were you, I would be really rich by now because I would be saving and investing the money you get each month."

I'm sure she would be and probably will be.

And why can't I just stay motivated enough to get this extra weight off of me?

While I'm surrounded by all of these motivated, Type-A personalities, they don't seem to rub off on me too much...maybe a little bit.  My husband actually said I was a "hard worker" the other day which pretty much made my month.  I don't have to "feel" good to do what I should do, so I won't give up on improving, but I also won't expect to have that natural motivation, either.

I have to wonder if the neurons in my brain are not firing right?

Do I not have enough synaptic connections?

Well, all of my doubts are assuaged whenever I invest time into the Literature class I teach: writing lesson plans, determining what I will teach and how I will teach it, teaching my class, and even grading papers.  It is at these times that I realize there ain't nothing wrong with me or my neurons or synapses!

A fellow teacher once told me that when she is actually teaching, she thinks she feels higher than she would on crack. :)  I actually feel that way sometimes, too.

I enjoy the process of watching my students grow and learn, and I enjoy finishing all of the tasks which are involved in the process!  I do feel so much satisfaction from this work.

I just finished entering my lesson plans for the 4th quarter, and I feel euphoric.  I thank God for giving me this "job".