iphones and Welfare

So many times, I hear these kinds of sentiments.  People are upset when they see a person who is receiving public assistance and is wearing some name brand shoes/clothing and also has a nicer phone than they have.  I'm not a financial person, and I don't think too much about how much money our family pays in taxes.  So, that's probably part of the reason it typically doesn't bother me too much when I see someone on public assistance spending more on something than I personally would.

Another reason it doesn't bother me too much, though, is because I've watched how at least one person on public assistance lives.  This person will get some money from some governmental entity and then will spend way more on something than they can afford, and then, they sacrifice greatly until they get their next check.  They have to scrimp and go without so much that by the time they get their next check, they overspend once again.  It's feast or famine.  They don't seem to know how to live any other way.  It's a pattern that is probably pretty ingrained.  They probably know they can't afford to buy the nice phone or shoes or whatever, but they  do it anyway, even if it means subsisting on Ramen noodles for days.

I sure don't want to switch places.  I have really mixed feelings about what the solution is for people who can't seem to make it without public assistance.  I vacillate wildly between thinking people will never change as long as we keep throwing money their way, but at the same time, people do truly need help, and I'm thankful they are able to get help in our country.  So, I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all-solution, but I will say, I usually don't feel like complaining about this or that item that they have which is better than mine.  The thing people who are on public assistance don't have is any security.  They live from hand-out to hand-out, and what recourse do they have if the government or the non-profit agency decides not to give them money any more?  Not much.  They are at the mercy of everyone else.  They can't take anyone to court.  Truly, none of us has complete security.  Still, when you have a job or know you have the skills/education to get a job, you have quite a bit more stability in your life.  While it's very annoying to me in one sense, it kind of makes sense to me why people on public assistance spend their money right away...they've been doing without for so long that they want to fill up while they can.

The major reason I don't feel really judgmental about the way people on welfare spend their money is because of my lack of discipline in the area of eating.  Just like someone who doesn't have a lot of money to spend, I don't have a lot of calories I can eat per day.  I'm limited.  Even though I know I can't afford to eat much without seeing it on the scale, I still do it.  Then, my weight creeps up, and I have to become really strict and do without for awhile just to keep my weight at 35 pounds over my ideal weight.  I work really hard and then I get 30 pounds over my ideal weight, and I feel so good that I overeat..for awhile.  Feast or famine.  Literally.  How can I judge someone who is not disciplined with money when I'm not disciplined with food?  It's not a perfect analogy, I know, but I do feel like a hypocrite whenever I find myself looking down my nose at someone who is spending money they don't have or spending their money in stupid ways.  I eat calories I can't afford and make stupid food choices almost every day.  I'm not giving up.  And they shouldn't either.  However, I acknowledge that it's damn hard to make good choices even when you know it's worth it.

It seems to me that the people who get the most annoyed with "people on welfare who have iphones" are the people who are very disciplined and work hard in every area of their lives.  People who have always been in control of themselves.  I admire these people, and in a way, I feel like they have a right to judge, but I still don't think it's good for their souls to be angry and unforgiving of the rest of us messed-up slackers.  Instead of being angry and complaining, I would hope they would use their disciplined drive to help find solutions and to pray.

Trying to help someone improve their situation is very complicated, and they personally have to want it, I mean really, really want to change...Just like losing weight requires someone to really, really want to change...but maybe it takes years to get there.  So we have to be patient.

I don't like new people.

Awhile back, some visitors came to check out our school in hopes of their child eventually attending. This is a perfectly beneficial, important action for any parent to take if they are interested in our school.  I, in fact, did the same thing eight years ago.  When Katherine and I visited, I will never forget the kindness of the other moms who worked there.  Still, whenever I hear we're going to have a visitor, especially someone who is going to visit my class, I'm not real thrilled about it.  I feel nervous about their judgments.

I try to tell myself to just teach like I normally do, and if the parents are not impressed or happy, it's better they know what they would be getting ahead of time.  I try to tell myself that my teaching alone is probably not going to make or break their decision.  I try to tell myself that most parents will look at the school as a whole, and we have a great school, so I shouldn't sweat it.  Finally, I try to tell myself that I do have my strengths as a teacher.  All of this talking to myself doesn't really help.  I'm just relieved when it's over.

Anyway, after that long Monday when we had visitors on campus, Stuart asked me how my day went, I curtly told him we had new people visit the school that day, and I don't like new people.

He challenged, "Oh c'mon!  That's not nice, and that's not true.  You don't even know the new people, so how could you say you don't like them."  

"I just feel very uncomfortable with new people.  I don't know where they are coming from," I explained.

 "Well, that's somewhat understandable.  Why don't you just say that?  That's so much better than just saying you don't like them," he said.

That's my babe.  He keeps me honest and calls me on my stuff.  

I so wish I was like my mom and my daughter who delight in meeting new people.  They see new people as new possibilities for friendships, connections, and excitement.  I, on the other hand, tend to see new people as potential problems.  Again, I do try to put myself in new people's shoes.  I know how hard it is to be new.  So, even though I have a crummy attitude about new people, I sometimes FORCE myself to talk new people, especially new people who are alone, looking awkward.  I'm usually glad when I do.  I just wish I authentically had a good attitude on the inside.  

Well, later, I found out the visiting child would indeed be enrolling in my class, and I felt this sense of dread creep in.  I instantly started worrying about whether my teaching would be acceptable for this new family.  What if they had all sorts of suggestions for my teaching?  I tried to be strong and look on the bright side that even if the family wasn't happy with my teaching, maybe they could give me helpful feedback.  Maybe the suggestions would be beneficial.  I needed to keep an open mind.  However, I also felt worried about what a new student would mean to the dynamics of the class.  Another worry I had was that I perceived this family as being braniackish, and even though I already have braniacs in my class who seem to be learning just fine, and even though I have many close friends and family who are "gifted", my stinkin' thinkin' kept me from seeing the possibility that maybe this new family might be a positive addition or that I might actually like these new people.

I was wrong.  I do like them. A lot!  In fact, I'm honestly pretty shocked about how happy I am that they joined our school community. 

I feel like "Sam-I-am, I do not like green and ham" except for it's, 

"Kori-I-am, I do not like these new people."  

(okay that didn't rhyme or really work, but you get the point.)  

Then, God whispers, "Try them, give them a chance, and you may. 

Try them, and you may,  I say."  

And just like Sam-I-am, I find myself replying, 

"I do so like 

these new people!  

Thank you!  Thank you! 

Kori-I-am."

And God and Stuart say, "See."

Be who you are....but maybe not too much

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”

― Dr. Seuss

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” ~Bob Marley

As I have "stalked" my kids' friends and acquaintances profile pages on Facebook, these two quotes are by far the most popular quotes.

I like both of these quotes because there is truth to both of them which might ease some anxiety, that especially teens might feel.  Teenagers, especially middle-schoolers, have probably gone through a period when the hurt they have experienced is more excruciating than they could have imagined.  I know this was the case for me at that age.  So the Bob Marley quote helps them (and us) to feel some relief that we have all been hurt by even the people we love the most, and it's okay.  It's part of the human experience.  The quote also gives some feeling of control that even though you can't stop someone from hurting you, you can choose WHO is going to hurt you.  However, the quote bothers me a little bit in that it might give too much license acceptance for people to be hurtful.  Inadvertently hurting someone is one thing, and it is bound to happen in even the best relationships.  Obviously though, we should strive to be in relationships where we mutually try to support each other and promote the best in each other.  This quote on it's own only speaks to determining our most intimate relationships based on who is worth enduring the hurt they will incur.  That seems like a flawed way of determining who your closest friends will be.  Maybe he would say that those worth suffering for are those who you are mutually supportive with and who you have grown to love.  So, like I said, overall I like the quote.  I just think there is more to be said about who is worth suffering for in relationships.

I think the quote by Dr. Seuss is really helpful to teenagers, too, because teenagers are beginning the  process of self-realization.  They are trying to figure out who they are, what they believe, what their gifts and talents are, and what they want their futures to look like...apart from their parents.  So, the quote from Dr. Seuss gives them permission to do that.  Be who you are!  Say what you feel!  Probably for many of them, they NEED this encouragement so that they will break through some of the peer pressure they feel to conform.  However, the second part is not completely true, as anyone past 30 years old should know.  "Those who don't matter won't mind, and those who mind don't matter."  Believe me, if I said everything that goes through my mind, it matter to my friends and family, and they DO matter.  Clearly, we can't all be completely transparent with everyone.  Maybe we can't be completely transparent with anyone except for with God.  

Still, the truth to that quote is that we can hope to find people who will appreciate and accept the essence of who we are, people who we can be "real" with.  Those are the people who do mean so much to us on this journey of life...the people who "don't mind" or who forgive our idiosyncrasies or weaknesses...the people who can even find them endearing in a way, or who are at least able to look past them.  This quote has actually helped me a lot in the past year.  The point is, I know my family and my best friends know my strengths and weaknesses, and they accept me.  They are the ones who matter to me.  If people want to judge my weaknesses and hold them against me, that's up to them. I'm not going to waste a lot of time worrying what they think of me.  I'm just so grateful for the friends and family whom I endeavor to love, despite their flaws, and who do the same for me...

but it's still important to try to keep listening to God and letting Him show us how we can grow to be more like Him.  

Matisse - A New Birth

So, this week, the boys and I learned about Henri Matisse.

I'm amazed that this was Matisse's first painting when he was eleven years old (below)

I'm amazed because it is so intricate, detailed, and lacking in color.  Then he went to his vivacious, colorful style which was so much more abstract.  

"Woman with a Hat" -1905

I guess I have thought in the past that the style of painting an artist is famous for is representative of how they see the world, and that it is the only possible style of art they are capable of.  Now, I realize this was naive because most great artists probably see the world in many different ways,  and have probably been trained to paint in a variety of different styles, but they settle on a unique style which becomes their signature style.  

"Christmas" 1952

I also thought it was interesting how Matisse was willing to take such a risk with his art through the use of fauvism.  Apparently, his countrymen in France were not impressed, but the wealthy Russians were, and that was all he needed.  I also find it interesting that Pablo Picasso and Matisse new each other and were competitors and critics of each other's work.  It reminds me of DaVinci and Michangelo.  How beautiful it is that he began what he called "painting with scissors" through the use of cut-outs after a surgery for cancer caused him to be wheelchair-ridden and in bed much of the time.  This new birth in his art allowed him to create some of his most admired and famous pieces of art.  Matisse said, "Only what I created after the illness constitutes my real self: free, liberated.” 

"Sorrows of the King"  1952

Finally, I appreciated Matisse's generous spirit as is shown through this quote from him: "What I dream of is an art of balance, of purity and serenity, devoid of troubling or depressing subject matter, an art which could be for every mental worker, for the businessman as well as the man of letters, for example, a soothing, calming influence on the mind, something like a good armchair which provides relaxation from physical fatigue."

"Interior with a Dog" ~1934

  

I like Van Gogh

I remember when I was in the throes of babies and toddlers, someone said it was important to keep your own identity apart from being a caregiver.  They said you should be enjoying and learning about new books, art, fashion, music, etc.  I clearly remember thinking about this as I was getting my kids settled into a toddler-friendly HEB cart, while they were kicking and fighting.  I thought, "I don't care about anything else but just GETTING SOME GROCERIES!!!  How can I possibly have any other interests or the emotional wherewithal to even consider anything, but surviving with 4 young children under the age of 7."   Still, I felt guilty that for awhile there, absolutely everything revolved around taking care of my children, and I wasn't even that good at it.  I told myself that one day, I would have time to pursue other interests.  Surely, one day.

Well, one day is here!  While I still feel pretty busy with the kids, I do have more emotional and mental energy left at the end of the day.  When Stuart and I went to Spain in November, I fell in love with the life, natural forms, and colors Gaudi used in his creations, be it art or architecture.  This year at CCI, we've been learning about modern art and painters, and I must say that I think the pointillism Seurat used is incredible!  I also love the impressionism of Monet, but most of all I appreciate the simple colors, the use of light, and the energetic life and lines in the paintings of Van Gogh!  

Whenever I would doubt if I should be putting so much time and energy into my kids back in the early years, for some reason, I would always think about this quote by Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis : "If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much."  I figured it Mrs. Camelot herself could place the priority on her children, I could, too.  I'm glad I did, but honestly, I think most moms are can't help but be the same way.  Yes, there is time to recapture what you personally like or enjoy, later.  

I like Van Gogh.  :)

Why do we have to read that depressing book?

For my class right now, my students are reading Out of the Dust.  It's a depressing book, and if I remember correctly from four years ago, it doesn't end on a thoroughly happy note.  Mark and I were reading it together in the car on the way to Baton Rouge, and he asked, "Why do we have to read this depressing book?"  That's what reminded me of how much my students from four years ago disliked this book.  I think only a couple of girls in my class kind of liked it.  I actually really like the book.  It's beautifully written in free verse.  It communicates deep meanings through a  sparse amount of words.

Well, wouldn't you know, as soon as I introduced the book last Monday, one of my students blurted out how much he hated this book, and how horrible and depressing it is.  I'm pretty accepting in listening to students' opinions and questions, but it is my personal pet peeve when students hate on a book before most of the class has even begun to read it.  Also, middle school students are so prone to "group think".  So if someone strongly and openly disparages a book, it diminishes the rest of the students' ability to appreciate the book.  Every time a student does this, I firmly tell them that negative comments in front of the whole class about the book in question are not allowed.  If they want to talk to me or email me about it personally, that is fine.  Or if they want to write about it in their journal after we finish the book that is fine, also.  I want to make sure the students know that they are entitled to their opinions, but they should be respectful about how and when they express their opinions.

 Anyway, thanks to Mark's comments when we were reading the book, I was armed for just such a comment.  I had a cartoon ready in my power point about depressing books, and I asked the students why it might be beneficial to read a depressing book.  My students gave some great answers.  Here are the reasons I had on my power point:


1. Books with difficult circumstances make us grateful for what we have.

2. As we read books with excruciatingly painful situation, we can be encouraged by what the characters are able to endure and know that when we face hard times, we can endure/triumph also.  Their perseverance can inspire us.

3. There are eras when most people face tremendous challenges.  There are regions of the world where most people face horrible hardships.  Books can take us to other eras or places and allow us to walk in their shoes.  We can learn what NOT to do and what to do by their examples.

4. Reading books like these cause us to be more deeply thoughtful and sympathetic towards others and the trials they might be going through.

It's been really helpful to have had my own children in my class for so many years because I have been able to hear honest input from them about what we're doing in class.  If Mark hadn't already commented on his distaste for this depressing book, I probably wouldn't have been ready for the reaction I would face last Monday.  I loved that I was armed and ready!  I also made a point of bringing out the different sound devices and structure the author uses in the book in order for the book to read in a more poetic way, even though it doesn't rhyme or have a particular meter.  We read several pages together, and we looked for these unique elements as a class.  On the way home, Mark told me he could tell that some of the kids were getting into looking for the poetic devices, and he thought they will enjoy it more as they keep looking for them.  I hope so.  He also said that some of the kids were still complaining about the book on their way to history.  On the bright side, I guess at least they are talking about a book.....

During my first couple of years of teaching, I didn't care if students liked the book we were reading or not.  Maybe I still shouldn't care, but I want them to at least be able to see something laudable about each of the books.  However, some people just tend to be more negative and maybe it's more important for me to teach the students how to successfully critique a book instead of making blanket statements that they don't know how to prove.  If they are going to say they don't like a book, maybe I should try to help them to explain why they don't in more precise terms.  I need to challenge them with questions about which story elements they feel are lacking.  Or maybe I should require them to say exactly what they would change in order to make the book better.  I need to work on drawing the students out more in general.

One of Kath's English teachers actually came out and said she didn't like one of the classics they were supposed to read for class.  The kids said, "If Mrs. __________ doesn't like it, then it must be pretty bad." It's a classic!!!  Beloved by many people, including me!  I saw some posts on facebook about how horrible this particular book is, but I was encouraged to see that two or three girls were independent and actually defended the book!  I was pretty disappointed in this teacher and felt that she  really did the kids a disservice by coming out and saying that. Maybe she backed up her negative opinions about the book, but when I asked Katherine what her teacher said about why she didn't like this book, Kath said her teacher just said it was dumb.  I hope that's an exaggeration.

Every summer, I do quite a bit of reading.  I think it would help me in learning how to discuss/critique books more proficiently if I read online discussions about the book after I read it or maybe read the author's comments about the book.  I've also wanted to be in a book club for a long time, too.  One of my friends told me I should start one.  I'll keep ruminating on that.

God, Help Me to Forgive

I feel pretty disappointed with some people right now.  I don't have to look too hard to feel disappointed in myself, too.  I am well aware that I can't hold other people's failings against them if I want mine to be forgiven.  Still, I'm not going to pretend I'm not disappointed.  

A visiting priest to our church recently quoted Bishop Anthony Bloom by saying something to the effect that it is not charitable in your forgiveness to forget the offense.  I can't find the exact quote, but basically what he was saying was that if someone is a compulsive liar, you are not doing them or anyone else a service by forgetting that they are a compulsive liar.  If you love them, you must not assist them in their lying by automatically believing whatever they say.  The burden, though, is not to harbor resentment or hatred towards them.

Sometimes there are offenses which take me some time to accept.  I have been accused of trying to teach people a lesson by withholding affection or care for someone when they have done something that is a disappointment to me.  I have probably done that sometimes, especially with my family.  I have been told I should just forgive people.  But just because I have put some distance between me and another person, does that mean I haven't forgiven them?  Doesn't God turn His face from people when they are going against His ways.  Don't His eyes move to and fro throughout the earth so that He can strongly support those whose hearts are fully His?  Of course, I'm not God, and I don't know people's hearts, but there are times when I  feel I need to step away.  I want to forgive them and support them, but I feel I have to give it some time and distance.

There are times when people have hurt my feelings or been hurtful to a member of my family.  God taught me last year through a variety of circumstances and through spiritual advice that in those times, I need to take steps to purposefully serve those people.  I'm not saying I will always do that, but it works so well, and I want to do this more!

But that's not the same thing as feeling disappointed with someone's bad choices or manipulations.  I must ask, do I WANT the person to do better, come closer to God, and have peace and joy in their life, or do I WANT their destruction for what they did.  There was someone last year who disappointed me so much that even though, in my mind, I wanted to talk to them, every time I was around them, I didn't seem to have it in me to do it.  I wanted to, but I wasn't sure they had repented, and I guess I needed some time to watch their behavior.  I don't know what happened, but all of the sudden, the burden I felt of not being able to be open to them was lifted.  I was so thankful.  This person seems to be doing very well, too.

I guess what I'm saying is that I do have a fear of not forgiving because of the judgment it might bring upon me, plus lack of forgiveness is a heaviness that I don't enjoy bearing.  I tell God that I WANT to forgive and I ask Him to help me, and eventually, He seems to give me the ability to do it.  

My priest told me that God definitely wants me to be able to forgive people, so I should ask Him to help me do it.  It's weird, but sometimes, all it takes is for the person to say something funny or clever, and I find my heart soften.  Thank you, God.  Yes, that's shallow, but I welcome any way God gives me to be able to do it.  Somehow, I used to think it was "cheating" to ask God to help me like this.  I thought if I was really strong spiritually, like Corrie Ten Boom, I would be able to forgive someone as horrible as a hateful, Nazi prison guard.  I guess it never occurred to me that I obviously wasn't spiritually strong, but as I ask God to help me, and I see His faithfulness, my forgiveness muscle might become stronger over time.  I have to start somewhere!  

So, I pray that God will help me forgive.  I pray that He will give me wisdom in forgiveness.  I pray for the ones who have disappointed and angered me lately.

Kyrie Eleison.

I can't walk in your shoes

Today I realized that the only person in the family whose shoes are the same size as mine are Tobias's.  Everyone else's shoes are way too big for me.  Nope, I can't walk in their shoes any more.  Weird.  These days when Jonathan comes down the stairs and I'm in the kitchen, I can't tell for sure if it's Stuart or Jonathan, except Jonathan's steps are usually a little slower.  Mark is catching up with my height, and the kitchen is starting to feel smaller when we tend to gather in it.  The other day, Jonathan was talking about how everything seemed so much bigger when he was younger.  I feel the same way because he takes up a lot more space these days. Ha!  I really wonder what it's going to feel like if my three boys are men in their 20s and are hanging out in my kitchen.  The idea of that seems exciting, fun, and a little claustrophobic all at the same time. 

The State of Education Today

Awhile back, Katherine sent me this link about changing the way we look at education: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDZFcDGpL4U&noredirect=1

I found it to be extremely thought provoking.  After watching it, the two things which jumped out at me was that: 1. It reconfirmed my idea that it is detrimental to expect all kids to perform at a homogenized, certain level in every subject based on age.  2. It made me think about how important it is to have students collaborate with each other on projects since most adults do work with others in just about every job, but especially in the fields of research and development which is so important to our economy and future as a country.  I wasn't sure what he was trying to say about classical learning, but he seemed to be saying that it is not relevant or useful.  I would disagree with this.  So, after watching this, I did want to read Sir Ken Robinson's book, but I never got around to it.

Then, this weekend, Stuart wanted me to read Seth Godin's manifesto on education.  I read about 20% of it, but it really began to annoy me.  http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2012/02/wwwstopstealingdreamscom-my-new-manifesto-is-now-live.html
His ideas are similar to some of the ideas expressed in the preceding video.  One concept he communicated over and over and over again was that our current schooling system stems back to the industrial revolution when public schools were first invented in order to develop a compliant, obedient working class.  His point was that the economy drove the development of schools, and it worked for awhile in the age of factories and  assembly lines, but this model no longer works in our modern society.  According to him, we need dreamers and innovators!  We need creative people who can produce new products and inventions.  His point is that if we keep producing, compliant, obedient, plain old vanilla workers, we are going to be at the bottom of the food chain as a country.  He admitted that his manifesto was a rant, but it annoyed me that he gave no credit to the current public school system.  He wrote as though all schools were full of neanderthal administrators and teachers.  Stuart said Godin just wants to get his point across, even if he is overstating things, over simplifying things, and being overly critical.  His writing reminded me of when Stuart was reading books by David G. Wells which critiqued the Evangelical church.  I'm not a big fan of one-sided critics even if their points might have some truth to them.

ANYWAY, sigh...I'm already getting riled up just thinking of Godin and Wells's writing...Anyway, I know that public education began during the industrial revolution, but I was under the impression that America began providing free public education through the use of tax dollars so that we would have an educated society which was needed for democracy to be successful.  I also thought it was the result of child labor laws.  I guess it doesn't really matter except for the fact that Godin kept making his case that public education was originally founded upon the idea that companies needed obedient, homogenized workers and it was up to the schools to train children to be like this.  Godin, to me, just seemed like one of these "gifted and talented" students who is always asking why, why, why?  Why do I have follow the teacher's ridiculous instructions when I already know how to write well?  Why do I have to show my work on these calculus problems when I can already do it all in my head?  Why?  Because most people do learn more from following the directions.  Most people aren't geniuses.  And anyways, obedience is an important quality to have in any functioning society and for working well with others, and no one, regardless of intelligence, power, or money, should be given the right to stomp all over the rules that others must follow.  Okay, I'll get off my soapbox now.

Stuart just came home from Tanzania about a month ago, and he said that the Tanzanians lived like people lived about 300 years ago.  They live in mud huts.  They do not have electricity, and they survive by doing subsistence farming.  He said they also seem less stressed and more at peace than we are over here.  He also said they share a much greater sense of community than we do. So, why do I want to educate students in a way that will allow them to think outside of the box!  Innovate!  Create!  Push the boundaries!  if all that is going to result in is more technologies for us all to live virtually and rarely ever go outside and feel a blade of grass through our toes or feel the wind blowing on our faces?

It made me want to consider what role I hope to serve as an educator.  I would say that language learning, reading, and writing all help people to realize their higher selves and to develop the intellect God gave them.  I believe that when we put words to objects, ideas, and feelings, we can appreciate them at a higher level.  On the other hand, it seems to me that if the role of schools is for our country to lead the world in technological advancement, I'm not sure I'm all for that.  At the same time, I don't want to be like one of those naysayers who kept refusing to hear what Aristotle was saying about the world being round.  Plus, technology can be used for excellent services such as solving the world's water supply problems and curing cancer...but is it really going to be so great for everyone to live to age 120 if we never put down our computers and iphones long enough to enjoy nature or each other.  Oh, I know.  I have no room to talk.  I spend hours upon hours on my computer or kindle.

Maybe I'll move to Africa and learn Swahili...as long as I can take my computer and have internet access.  :)

Impressed

I think I'm going to give myself a time limit for writing my blog posts.  Otherwise, I'll spend too much time working on them.  Time I don't have at this point.

Today, I want to record how impressed I was with my sister-in-law this past weekend.  I'm extremely impressed with both of Stuart's sisters, but since I was staying at his sister T's house, I noticed more about her and how she lives.

T is a about a half a year younger than me, and she is having her fifth baby in May!  They are having a little boy after four beautiful girls.  So happy for them.  Last year, she and her husband bought a home which behind Stuart's parent's home.  Stuart's dad has been having a lot of health issues, and they decided it would be best to live closer.  The house that came available was built I think in the late 60s had only had one owner.  It had not been updated.  The house was also about the same size as their last house, but it did have one more room than their other house had.  When I first went to see the house last summer, my heart kind of sank because I could see all of the work they would need to do to update it.  Popcorn ceilings, green wallpaper, dark walls.  It reminded me very much of the house Stuart and I bought on Greenmountain Lane.  It wasn't pretty.

Just a few months later and T and R have made that house a beautiful home!  No more popcorn ceilings.  They still have olive green countertops, but T made the best of this and wrote Bible verses on them.  :) (I also liked the way she had whole chapters of the Bible attached to the mirror in the bathroom and on the bathroom doors.)  Yes, there is still some updating they might do, but their home felt warm, welcoming, and rich with activity.  More than that, though, I'm impressed with how T and R care for Stuart's parents.  They have made it a priority. I love Stuart's parents so much, so I truly appreciate what T and R are doing for them.

T is more of an introvert, but she put herself out there as a leader in the family more than I've ever seen her do.  She organized who would cook which meals, and she supported everyone who needed any help.  She also organized what we would do each night.  One night, she had Stuart give a report with a slideshow about his trip to Tanzania.  Another night, she directed a sing-along with all 23 of us, singing hymns that Stuart's parents grew up with and loved.  Stuart played the guitar, his other sister played the piano, and T ran the projector and said what songs we were going to sing.  I think that was the happiest I saw Stuart's dad all weekend.

Also, T not only welcomed Stuart, Katherine, and I over to her house, but she also welcomed her other two nieces who live in town to spend the night at her house.

T never looks like she's in a hurry, but she just works steadily along.  Her house is so organized, and she is creative in how she uses the space that is available.  I get the sense that when she notices something that is missing or needed in her home or something that isn't working well, she takes note of it at that moment and makes plans for how to address it.

She homeschools her four daughters, and they are all doing very well in their studies.  They also all proficiently play two instruments except for her youngest who only plays the piano...but has her eye on the flute, which T says she might start playing in a couple of years.  As a 10th grader, her daughter aced the ACT!  I mean, through the roof!  T makes it look so easy.  I know she has done the hard work in their earlier years to teach them to help with the housework and to know how to study independently.  And mainly, just how to be disciplined.

So yeah.  I'm thoroughly impressed.  In my younger years, I think I would have felt more jealous than inspired.  I would have felt bad that I'm not more like T.  Ha!  I have learned the hard way that whenever I try to be like someone else in an overall sense, I just get depressed and resentful because it becomes so clear that I can't do it.  I am me for better or worse.  These days, though, I just want to take some actions I noticed T doing which I could work on in my life.

1. Bring more scripture into our home.
2. Be more mindful of making my house a functioning, warm place where people can have the security that we have what they need and they know where to find it.
3. Addressing things that are lacking or not working in our home.
4. Working steadily.
5. Being a servant to others.

Writing: a Comfort and Joy

Yesterday on the way home from Louisiana, I was telling Stuart about the book I've been reading called The Happiness Project.  I saw the book at the airport where it was being prominently displayed as a best seller.  As I looked at it, I was intrigued about why a book with such a simple title would have garnered so much attention.  So, I downloaded the preview of the book on my Kindle and soon understood why it was so successful.

The author, Gretchen Rubin, extensively researched the topic of happiness and what people throughout the ages have said about happiness.  With her research in mind, she came up with a list of personal resolutions about what she thought would make her happier.  It wasn't that she was particularly unhappy, but she seemed to feel concerned that she was just busy going through the motions in life.  Each month, she focused on one set of resolutions and wrote about her experiences.  One of her resolutions had to do with de-cluttering.  I told Stuart that having a de-cluttered, clean space doesn't really make me feel happier, and I wouldn't include that in my personal resolutions. (BTW, Stuart would definitely put de-cluttering on his happiness list, so I need to make an effort in that area.)  Stuart asked what types of things I thought made me feel happier.

I would say one activity which brings me joy and makes me feel more alive is engaging in written expression, others' written expressions as well as my own.  I enjoy reading journals, biographies, letters, articles, etc.  Thinking about this made me decide to write in my blog again.  I'm not sure how much time I'll have to do it, but there are quite a few times when I feel like what I want to post in Facebook is too much, too personal, or too long for that platform.  

I'm not sure why writing is so important to me, but I know I'm not the only one who feels this way.  I will never forget a situation that happened during my first year of teaching.  I was a special ed teacher, and certain students would come to my room for extra help throughout the day.  I don't remember what exactly happened with one of my fourth grade students, but she, we'll call her Tonya, apparently had gotten into trouble with her regular ed teacher.  The regular ed teacher who was a fast-moving, no nonsense kind of teacher, flagged me down as I walked down the hall and told me she wanted to show me something.  She pulled out a letter that Tonya had written apologizing for what she had done, explaining why she had done, and telling why she didn't think she should be punished.  

She had written a whole page.  I felt so proud of Tonya because first of all, I knew writing wasn't necessarily easy for her.  Secondly, Tonya always seemed to me to be someone who kept things bottled up, and her anger tended to come out in little, inappropriate flashes at unexpected times.  I was so happy to see that she was actually trying to deal with the situation through communicating her viewpoint.  The regular ed teacher, however, was livid.  

She said she couldn't believe that Tonya had written this letter and that she should have just come and talked to her about it if she had such a problem with it.  I said that maybe Tonya felt nervous about talking to her about it and felt like this was a safer way to approach the situation.  The other teacher was becoming more frustrated and said that this wasn't the first letter Tonya had written her and that she has some major emotional problems if she doesn't know how to just approach someone and talk to them verbally about a concern.  At that point, I remember feeling kind of worried about myself and what it says about me that there are many times when I would prefer to write something to communicate with someone rather than speak directly to them.

I didn't say anything else to the other teacher about the situation with Tonya.  It seemed fruitless.  I was a first year teacher.  What did I know?  Plus, I have a feeling her frustration with Tonya went deeper than her irritation about the letter(s) and there was more water under the bridge.  Maybe she felt like Tonya was trying to manipulate her.  I'm not sure.  At the same time, I don't think she understood how important writing is for some people.  I'm not sure, but I think if I was confronted with a situation like this today, I might have tried to point out to the other teacher more about the positive aspects of Tonya's letter writing.  I might have identified myself as someone who finds writing helpful in addressing situations.  But maybe she would have just written me off as another person with emotional problems.

Throughout the years, I have thought about this teacher's dismissive attitude towards the use of writing as a way of addressing a situation.  Over time, I have realized there are people who appreciate it, and others who feel annoyed by it.  Some people view it as a waste of time, and if they view it that way, it is foolish to try to write them an email or letter.  It won't be received well, and it won't work.  There is also the concern that written words can more concretely be used against you, and they sometimes aren't understood in the right context since body language isn't there to help further the communication.  Yes, sometimes, for a plethora of reasons, the best way to deal with a situation is to meet with the person and talk to them directly.  However, it never hurts for someone like me, someone who likes to write, to go ahead and write down some thoughts beforehand.  Some would say it's a waste of time, but I would say it is what eventually brings me clarity.  

Writing for me is a comfort and a joy.