Be who you are....but maybe not too much

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”

― Dr. Seuss

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” ~Bob Marley

As I have "stalked" my kids' friends and acquaintances profile pages on Facebook, these two quotes are by far the most popular quotes.

I like both of these quotes because there is truth to both of them which might ease some anxiety, that especially teens might feel.  Teenagers, especially middle-schoolers, have probably gone through a period when the hurt they have experienced is more excruciating than they could have imagined.  I know this was the case for me at that age.  So the Bob Marley quote helps them (and us) to feel some relief that we have all been hurt by even the people we love the most, and it's okay.  It's part of the human experience.  The quote also gives some feeling of control that even though you can't stop someone from hurting you, you can choose WHO is going to hurt you.  However, the quote bothers me a little bit in that it might give too much license acceptance for people to be hurtful.  Inadvertently hurting someone is one thing, and it is bound to happen in even the best relationships.  Obviously though, we should strive to be in relationships where we mutually try to support each other and promote the best in each other.  This quote on it's own only speaks to determining our most intimate relationships based on who is worth enduring the hurt they will incur.  That seems like a flawed way of determining who your closest friends will be.  Maybe he would say that those worth suffering for are those who you are mutually supportive with and who you have grown to love.  So, like I said, overall I like the quote.  I just think there is more to be said about who is worth suffering for in relationships.

I think the quote by Dr. Seuss is really helpful to teenagers, too, because teenagers are beginning the  process of self-realization.  They are trying to figure out who they are, what they believe, what their gifts and talents are, and what they want their futures to look like...apart from their parents.  So, the quote from Dr. Seuss gives them permission to do that.  Be who you are!  Say what you feel!  Probably for many of them, they NEED this encouragement so that they will break through some of the peer pressure they feel to conform.  However, the second part is not completely true, as anyone past 30 years old should know.  "Those who don't matter won't mind, and those who mind don't matter."  Believe me, if I said everything that goes through my mind, it matter to my friends and family, and they DO matter.  Clearly, we can't all be completely transparent with everyone.  Maybe we can't be completely transparent with anyone except for with God.  

Still, the truth to that quote is that we can hope to find people who will appreciate and accept the essence of who we are, people who we can be "real" with.  Those are the people who do mean so much to us on this journey of life...the people who "don't mind" or who forgive our idiosyncrasies or weaknesses...the people who can even find them endearing in a way, or who are at least able to look past them.  This quote has actually helped me a lot in the past year.  The point is, I know my family and my best friends know my strengths and weaknesses, and they accept me.  They are the ones who matter to me.  If people want to judge my weaknesses and hold them against me, that's up to them. I'm not going to waste a lot of time worrying what they think of me.  I'm just so grateful for the friends and family whom I endeavor to love, despite their flaws, and who do the same for me...

but it's still important to try to keep listening to God and letting Him show us how we can grow to be more like Him.