A visiting priest to our church recently quoted Bishop Anthony Bloom by saying something to the effect that it is not charitable in your forgiveness to forget the offense. I can't find the exact quote, but basically what he was saying was that if someone is a compulsive liar, you are not doing them or anyone else a service by forgetting that they are a compulsive liar. If you love them, you must not assist them in their lying by automatically believing whatever they say. The burden, though, is not to harbor resentment or hatred towards them.
Sometimes there are offenses which take me some time to accept. I have been accused of trying to teach people a lesson by withholding affection or care for someone when they have done something that is a disappointment to me. I have probably done that sometimes, especially with my family. I have been told I should just forgive people. But just because I have put some distance between me and another person, does that mean I haven't forgiven them? Doesn't God turn His face from people when they are going against His ways. Don't His eyes move to and fro throughout the earth so that He can strongly support those whose hearts are fully His? Of course, I'm not God, and I don't know people's hearts, but there are times when I feel I need to step away. I want to forgive them and support them, but I feel I have to give it some time and distance.
There are times when people have hurt my feelings or been hurtful to a member of my family. God taught me last year through a variety of circumstances and through spiritual advice that in those times, I need to take steps to purposefully serve those people. I'm not saying I will always do that, but it works so well, and I want to do this more!
But that's not the same thing as feeling disappointed with someone's bad choices or manipulations. I must ask, do I WANT the person to do better, come closer to God, and have peace and joy in their life, or do I WANT their destruction for what they did. There was someone last year who disappointed me so much that even though, in my mind, I wanted to talk to them, every time I was around them, I didn't seem to have it in me to do it. I wanted to, but I wasn't sure they had repented, and I guess I needed some time to watch their behavior. I don't know what happened, but all of the sudden, the burden I felt of not being able to be open to them was lifted. I was so thankful. This person seems to be doing very well, too.
I guess what I'm saying is that I do have a fear of not forgiving because of the judgment it might bring upon me, plus lack of forgiveness is a heaviness that I don't enjoy bearing. I tell God that I WANT to forgive and I ask Him to help me, and eventually, He seems to give me the ability to do it.
My priest told me that God definitely wants me to be able to forgive people, so I should ask Him to help me do it. It's weird, but sometimes, all it takes is for the person to say something funny or clever, and I find my heart soften. Thank you, God. Yes, that's shallow, but I welcome any way God gives me to be able to do it. Somehow, I used to think it was "cheating" to ask God to help me like this. I thought if I was really strong spiritually, like Corrie Ten Boom, I would be able to forgive someone as horrible as a hateful, Nazi prison guard. I guess it never occurred to me that I obviously wasn't spiritually strong, but as I ask God to help me, and I see His faithfulness, my forgiveness muscle might become stronger over time. I have to start somewhere!
So, I pray that God will help me forgive. I pray that He will give me wisdom in forgiveness. I pray for the ones who have disappointed and angered me lately.
Kyrie Eleison.
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