Enjoy the good stuff!

 I know I should focus on and enjoy the good stuff, so I wonder: Why do I seem to like to think so much about the person who is critical or negative? Why do I want to think about who I think MIGHT be upset with me, who has failed me, who MIGHT not like me, or who has disappointed me? Why do I like to think about THOSE people as I'm driving, doing the dishes, or folding the clothes instead of my dear friends and the people that I love and want to support? Maybe the negative seems more interesting to figure out. Maybe it is my sinful bent that kind of wants to be in conflict with my fellow man. It would be one thing if I wanted to think about it in order to resolve it somehow, but instead, I want to think about what is wrong with them, or, I want to think about what is wrong with me, or what they think is wrong with me. I just enjoying cogitating on it in my mind. Sometimes through prayer, though, I do actually come to a place of acceptance and move on, but it does take prayer and God's love and peace.

And when I think about my past, I usually think about the most negative parts of my past, the parts that make me just want to emotionally crumple up. I'm not sure why that is my tendency, but I can see in my own kids that some of them tend to remember the positive more and some seem to remember the negative more. As I watch my kids grow up, and I relive my growing up years through their experiences, I am very surprised by how many wonderful memories of the good times, good friends, and good experiences begin to surface! For some reason, the hurtful, sad experiences and memories of my enemies typically have played a much larger role in my perspective of the past. While I do believe it's an innate part of my personality, I realize that it might help me to work harder to remember the good stuff from my past, and relish in the blessings of today. While I do tend to view my past in an overall negative light, I would say that I'm usually fairly positive about the present. I do appreciate my blessings, but still, I dwell on the negative or my fear of the negative more than I should. Yet, if someone was to ask me how I would describe my life, I would say that I have been blessed way more than I deserve.

In reality, bad things have and will happen. Challenges have come my way and will continue to come my way. Some people never liked me, and some people never will. I need to accept it, deal with it, and do whatever I can that would be beneficial, but I don't need to keep replaying it over and over in my mind. Doing this makes me think of someone habitually stepping on a plant that was made to grow up and out, but it can't because it is down and closed off and is unable to drink in the water and the sunlight. However, to instead enjoy and savor the good stuff, makes me think of a plant that is drinking in the moisture of the earth and reaching up towards the nice, warm, life-producing sunlight.