It's going to happen no matter what. That ugly, distorted, grimy side of life is going to take over my world for awhile. Still, there is no other choice but to fight it. There is no other choice but to do all to survive it.
It's the moment when I know I'm going to hit the car in front of me, but I slam down on the breaks in vain, anyway. It's the moment when my head is telling my body to stabilize itself before I land on my face, but I know my body is too slow to stop it.
Gravel is all I see because my face is already 2 inches from the ground.
I wish I could stop the momentum towards crisis. I wish I could push rewind on life and go back and erase it this time. Or at least I could push pause, and let there be some reprieve from it. for awhile.
I can't. It's final. I can't go back. I can't stop it.
It's looming at my door, laughing at my utter powerlessness, mocking my complete vulnerability.
I see the squalid, dank, dark hallway leading me to it. There's only one way, and it's to go through it.
This is not the way it was supposed to be, but it is the way it is.
Yes, it is the way it is, and my face is two inches from the ground.
And all I see is gravel.
All of this here, Kori, it's just temporary. Just remember, this all passes and we all pass and we find one another again in the Kingdom. We form these loving bonds with one another because God has given us Eternal Love and these bonds outlast our fragile bodies and our fleeting time. It's all going to be ok in the end, but it's going to be really lousy for a while. What did Father Jordan tell us? "Just don't let go of Christ's hand." Don't. let. go.
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