I hope this won't come across like I think I'm some sort of expert about teenagers because I certainly am not. I just think teenagers are extremely fascinating to observe as they become their own people and begin to take responsibility for their own lives and their own futures. Every teen is different, and every teen takes a little different route to adulthood, but one thing I have observed with my kids, my kids' friends, and my students is that they are much more ready to accept responsibility for their actions than many people seem to think they would be. They know that when you let them get by with things, you either don't really care or you don't really think too highly of them. Conversely, they know when you hold them to a higher standard, you hold them in higher regard and have more faith in their potential. Yeah, none of this is rocket science, and we have all probably heard this sentiment many times before, but I just wonder if we adults really believe this or think about it.
Before you can do this, though, I think you have to build their trust in you, as an adult, that you are FOR them, and you are not picking on them. At the same time, you kind of have to have an idea of what they are truly capable of so that you don't discourage them by pushing them too hard. Invariably, though, I'm shown over and over again that the teens in my life are capable of far more than I ever imagine! That's why it's SUCH a pet peeve of mine when people start griping and complaining about the problems with teenagers. If people would just be supportive, or at least just be quiet and observe, they might be pleasantly surprised.
Yes, teens mess up. We all mess up. And when they mess up, I think it's important to hold them accountable and allow them to make amends. It's not helpful to sweep it under the rug or to nag, nag, nag about it. Communicate about it, administer consequences and move on. They will feel so much better for it. Also, I think it's so important not to peg a teen as being this or that way...they are at an age when they can change drastically from one month to another! It's important not to box them in by what your idea of them is.
When a teen in my life messes up, I usually do not want to let it slide too easily, not because it makes me feel better to get on their case or to exert my authority (at least not usually), but because I know it is good for their own self-respect and growth. They need to see that they can take responsibility and bounce back from it. It's a part of them having a healthy sense of faith in themselves that they can rectify problems and eventually do the right thing. Again, this is all just based on my observations so far. I might be saying completely different things if I was a police officer who dealt with juvenile delinquents day in and day out. I might also have different opinions in eight years from now when I raised four teenagers...so we'll see. ;) Take it or leave it.
Still, these days, not many things make me happier than watching a teenager successfully rise up to a higher standard and grow in their maturity. Really, it makes me just as happy to see growth in myself and in my fellow adults, but we adults tend to be sooooooooooo much slower in our growth/progress and so much more guarded about our struggles that it's much more difficult to see growth happen. But growth does happen, and I'm thankful that we all have the ability to change for the better.
No comments:
Post a Comment