If anything about my siblings ever comes up in conversation with people who don't know my family that well, the #1 most popular question I hear is, "Which one is the doctor?" I used to resent that. I wondered why being a doctor was the only thing people seemed to feel was important enough to note about my siblings and me.
After having my own children, my outlook has changed, though.
My daughter is a go-getter. She was the sophomore class president, the secretary of her school's student body, and the band president. Many times when I would meet other parents and I would introduce myself, they would say,"Oh, I know who your daughter is. Isn't she the president of something?" People seem impressed with her. She has titles...just like my sister. President. M.D., M.D. President.
Believe me. I know that being a doctor is noteworthy and impressive. And with my sister, I'm even more impressed that she was able to work 80-120 hour work weeks which were intense and grueling during her residency, AND be married, AND have three children by the time she earned her medical degree. I've heard the statistics about how most marriages don't make it when one spouse goes through med school. Honestly, I don't know how she did it.
Also, I'm impressed by the time my sister takes to help people; family, friends, and me (even about stupid, non-consequential stuff) even when she's exhausted. I'm impressed that she actually prays with her patients before surgeries, if they would like. I'm impressed that she juggles so much besides her normal job as a gynecologist. So, am I impressed that she's a doctor? In a word. Yes. I'm impressed with anyone who is able to make it through the rigorous training of med school, but that doesn't mean I admire or respect them necessarily. It's the character and care of the doctor which causes me to respect them. However, most people don't know these things about my sister. They just know she is a doctor which seems to be enough.
In regards to my daughter, I'm very proud that she was willing to take the risk of running for president and then wonderfully fulfilling her responsibilities. I'm proud that her peers had enough confidence in her to elect her to these positions, but my proudest of moments of her were when I saw the mettle she is made of. During the spring of her sophomore year, she decided she wanted to become a lifeguard since it was one job she could get as a 15-year-old. She had been on a swim team years before when she was younger, but it really wasn't her forte. However, that spring, she looked into what she would be required to do in order to become a lifeguard. Next, she started independently working on her swimming speed and strength almost every night at the local YMCA. After that, she went through a lifeguard training program, and finally, the day came for her to take the neighborhood MUD's test to see if she could be hired. One aspect of the test was swimming 20 yards out, then swimming 10 feet deep in order to grab a 10-pound brick, carry it out, and then bring the brick back to the starting place, all within a minute and 30 seconds. She tried twice and wasn't able to do it. I think one time the brick slipped out of her hands and another time, she wasn't able to do it in time. After that, she went to the bathroom where she felt sick and faint, but she wasn't going to give up if she didn't have to. She asked the instructor for one more chance. The third time was the charm. She did it. I know that there are tons of kids who pass this test and there are many kids who are lifeguards. Most of the lifeguards she worked with were on their high school swim teams so they were strong swimmers. So, kudos to them! Because of their consistent work over the years, the test probably wasn't that hard. It was very difficult for my daughter, though, and I felt so proud that she went way out of her comfort zone to get this job, and when she probably felt like keeling over and dying, she tried one more time to get that 10-pound brick. And succeeded.
My proudest moments of my daughter have nothing to do with her titles. They have everything to do with her character...like the times she has graciously accepted defeat and the times she has acted honorably towards competitors (even when they have not reciprocated). Likely, those character traits of hard work, discipline, perseverance, kindness, and decency have been helpful in allowing my sister and my daughter to acquire titles, but on the other hand, I know there are others who have these traits who don't have these titles.
So, why doesn't it bother my any more when people ask which sibling is a doctor?
I understand now that titles are easy for people to remember, and they are quick. Doctor=achievement. President=achievement. Done. It's not that people wouldn't admire character qualities of my other siblings or my other children, it's just that those take time to explain, and they are more personal. Titles remind me of a good sound bite. The sound bite does give a lot of information in very few words, so we like them. However, they never tell the whole story - about the person with the title or the other people without the titles. That takes time, and many times, people don't want to take the time or make the investment to learn the whole story.
It is what it is. We humans are the way we are. We can only take in so much information, so titles are a shortcut to classifying people. I'm not saying that's good or bad, it just is. I think I accept it better because I have been able to see the whole stories of my kids from the outside. I see that they all have impressive traits, but I'm probably never going to hear someone ask, "So which one is the hospitable one?" or "So, which one is the forgiving one?", but that doesn't mean these traits matter less. It just means that titles are easier for people to get a handle on.
So, now when people ask, "Which one is the doctor?", I feel happy that my sister actually deserves respect and admiration not because she is a doctor but because of who she is. At the same, I know full well that their question doesn't diminish who my siblings are, either. People want a quick reference point, and as the famous poem says, it was never about them anyways. It's all about God and doing what is right before Him.
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