The Importance of Fathers

Ever since Stuart went on his mission trip to Tanzania, I've been thinking about the importance of fatherhood.  I can tell even before I write this blog that this entry is not going to be all that coherent or organized because my thoughts are scattered and not completely thought through, but I want to write down my ideas anyway before I forget them.  Today, I'm going to write about some of the positive influences fathers have with their daughters.  As a disclaimer, I will say that people are resilient, and they can rise above the challenge of not having a strong father figure in their lives, but it is a challenge.

One day, my daughter was having a conversation with one of her friends about a classmate of theirs who is very promiscuous.  My daughter's friend said, "Well, she doesn't have a good relationship with her dad.  That's why."  She was very matter-of-fact about it.  It kind of surprised me, but I've always noticed the same trend with girls/women who stand out as being promiscuous.  They seem to have such an irrational hunger for a man to accept them that they are willing to throw out their sexuality to any man who will give them attention...even if it's just for a fleeting moment.

Girls who have a close relationship with their fathers do seem to tend to respect their bodies and their whole person more.  They are much more selective about who they give their heart and soul to because they already feel accepted and loved by their parents.  I've always heard that the best gift you can give to your children is a good marriage.  When a couple has a good, faithful marriage, their daughter can see the kind of marriage or relationship she can have with a man...a mutually respectful marriage between two spouses.  No marriage is perfect, but a functional marriage can go a long way in giving daughters a sense of belonging.  Also, a solid marriage means that the dad will probably be home more and can give guidance and affection to his daughter which she needs to grow strong with a sense of security that she doesn't desperately need the attention of boys her age.  Still, if there has been a divorce, fathers can still give their daughters the attention and guidance they need, but it takes a more concerted effort, and it still takes a decent relationship with their ex-wife to make this happen.

I also think that when a girl, and even a woman, have a father who is actively involved in their lives, their boyfriends tend to respect her a little more.  Maybe this will sound antiquated, but I have seen the look of fear and/or nervousness on the faces of young men who have picked up our daughter for a date and have met my husband.  I wouldn't say my husband is intimidating at all, but these young men seem to understand that our daughter is highly valued by her dad, and they better be on their good side.  Again, this might seem old school, but I do believe a father figure in a girl's life provides her with more protection and security to not be bullied or pushed into anything she doesn't consent to.

This is such a touchy subject because I know a lot of girls come from single parent homes, and their father isn't present in their lives.  Like I said, there are things a mother can do, such as bringing other male figures into their daughter's life...grandfathers, uncles, trusted family friends...but to me, the fact remains that father figures are so important.  I also think of friends whose father passed away.  Even though their father might not physically be here, his memory, his love, and his guidance are still very much here to nurture their growth.  Even for children whose fathers died at an early age can draw comfort and security from the love their father had for them.

In our society where women are apparently the head of the household in 40% of American homes, I just wish men were valued more for their contributions in the development and health of their children.  When Stuart was gone to Tanzania, I could imagine what a loss our family would suffer especially in terms of strength and stability.  I have always told my daughter that she doesn't need to get married, and that it's better to not get married than to marry a jerk who will not treat her or her children right.  I firmly believe that.  However, if she is going to get married and have children, she needs to understand, appreciate, and respect all that her husband brings to the table, which in my opinion is infinitely valuable.